Marmageddon
by Frankie Loves Glitter
Summary: New Zealand recieves a phone call that plunges the country into an all out crisis. Panic striken, he must take drastic action in the face of such peril. How will the young nation cope in a world without marmite?
1. Chapter 1

It was March 19th, for all purposes another regular day for New Zealand until he recieved a phone call. A phone call which would pull the entire country into a state of crisis and despair. A phone call which would bring about a time of self-sacrifice for all his citizens in the face of hardship. The phone call that would change everything.

"What do you mean "We're out of marmite"?"

The young man's usually carefree demenour started to ice over as he tried to compehend what he had just heard.

"I'm sorry mate, but we've had to cease production at our only factory, due to earthquake damage. We expect a massive shortage, if not a complete clearance of our current stock but unfortunatly we just can't produce anymore until the factory is repared."

New Zealand squeezed the phone tighter, trying to stop his hand from shaking. This was bad. Really, really bad.

"Well, how long is that going to take?"  
"Urm, it's hard to say, but we estimate that we can have stock ready to retail by mid-July"

New Zealand's jade eyes widened in shock.

"Woah woah woah, hold up. Are you trying to tell me that we won't have any more marmite for four months?"  
"Well, there's always the remaining inventory a-"  
"But that's gonna run out? Surely?"

He held his breath as the man sighed on the other end of the line.

"...Yes. Eventually, there will be no marmite left in New Zealand."

With those words, New Zealand went numb with disbelief, his gaze fixed on the patch of Auckland's streets he could see from his office window. All those poor people, unable to apply that delicous black goo to their toast in the morning or give their stews an extra yeasty kick. Worse still, how would they deal with having marmite and cheese toasties without the marmite? What could he do? How was his country possibly going to survive this?

"New Zealand? Hey, New Zealand! You 'right mate? You still there? New Zealand?"

His eyes flickered from the window to the phone in his now-lowered hand. Very gingerly, he lifted the headset to his ear and resumed the conversation at a near whisper.

"What am I gonna do Doug?"  
"I dunno, I thought you would have sorted something yourself, seeing as the factory has been out of production since November."  
"Wait, November? Why am I only hearing about this now then?"  
"You're having me on right? We sent you a letter the day after we shut it down."  
"No way."  
"We did. Check now and see if you can find it."

New Zealand immediatly went over to his mail organsation folder i.e. the place where he chucked all his mail that wasn't about rugby or possible free trade agreements with East Asian nations he hadn't really heard of. He was more of an email guy really. Sure enough, as he leafed through the flyers and envelopes, he found one with the marmite logo in the corner.

"Okay, you were right. Still, what am I supposed to do?"  
"You are going to have to figure that out yourself. We'll deal with the public as best we can and call you back when we have more information"  
"Be sure you do."  
"Good luck."  
"Chur..."

He set the phone down briefly, hestitated as he thought to himself then picked it up again, punching in the numbers with a quiet determination. He was going to have to take some drastic action if he was to protect his country, even if that meant calling up some people he hadn't spoken to for a while and wanted to keep that way in some cases.

But in the name of marmite, he was prepared to do anything.

**A/N Just to give a little bit of background on this story, the 2012 marmite shortage or "Marmageddon" as it has been dubbed by the press, although hard to believe, is actually a real "crisis" in New Zealand at the moment. I guess it shows how casual people are in New Zealand. While the rest of the world worries about debt, unemployment, terrorism etc, we go into a frenzy over a preservative. People have caused traffic jams rushing to the shops to buy marmite, jars have been auctioned on trademe (NZ equivillant of Ebay) for $60+ and we even had the Prime Minister go on the news about it. New Zealand is so crazy.**

**Hopefully I will have the next chapter up by next weekend, but this week will be hectic so I'm not sure. Reviews are much appreciated (as always). Thanks for reading :D**


	2. Chapter 2

A week later, deep within the walls of the Beehive, New Zealand sat anxiously at the head of a long boardroom table, fingers pawing at the haphazardly knotted tie around his neck. It had taken him all morning to try and find the bloody thing and then another hour trying to remember how to tie it. However, with the ongoing crisis affecting the country more and more each day, his previous sleeping habits were all but forgotten anyway. He usually spent the small hours of the morning sitting against his pantry door, protecting the remaining small pot of marmite that had been promoted to the front and centre of the top shelf.

This morning however, he had gone to the effort to at least try to look presentable. Today would be a key in overcoming this crisis and he knew that he had to be serious. Even if that meant dressing like a complete dick.

As he flicked through the slides on his laptop, he was interrupted by a loud knock on his door. Considering the combination of nerves, exhaustion and caffeine coursing through his system, it wasn't surprising that this sudden noise caused the young nation to jump up in shock and knock coffee onto his laptop in the process.

"Oh sheep balls!"

New Zealand frantically tried to wipe the lukewarm liquid from his keyboard, but all he achieved from his was staining his grey suit jacket. He tossed it aside and searched for some tissues as the door clicked open.

"Sir, your first guest has arrived. Should I send him in?"  
"Yeah, go ahead Miekayla"

New Zealand was too pre-occupied with his vain attempts to save his computer to notice the man who entered the room, but it wasn't long until said man made his presence known. And, not surprisingly, it wasn't the most eloquent of entrances.

"Crikey Zea, you aint half a clumsy bastard these days. Has it got to do with that stick up you had up your arse when you called me?"

New Zealand sighed and looked up at the man now standing next to him. Usually he would whip back with another insult, but he was past partaking in banter at this point.

"Hello Australia. Take a seat; I think the others will be here soon."

Australia's trademark grin vanished as he picked up on New Zealand's sombre mood.

"Hey mate, is it really something serious? It is, isn't it! What's eating you? I heard from my boss about a double dip recession but that wasn't going to affect us was it? Or is it th-"  
"Australia. Not now. When the others get here."  
"C'mon mate, just tell me, I'm your bro after all. We gotta stick together, you and me."  
"Please Oz. Just sit down"  
"Not until you tell me what's going on."  
"Seriously, why are you being such a dic-"  
"You two are bickering again? Typical."

New Zealand stopped mid speech as the door swung open to reveal his former boss standing there, clad in an immaculate pinstripe suit, one enormous eyebrow raised pompously at the two young nations in the room.

"Hello England"  
England gave a curt nod.

"Good morning New Zealand, Australia. Well, I say good, although the jet-lag and lack of sleep say otherwise. Also, arriving to two ex-colonies going at it and not so much as a cup of tea in sight isn't much of a welcome, you know."  
New Zealand sighed as England took a seat at the table.  
"Well, I appreciate you coming big bro. I can send for some morning tea if you would like something?"  
"Don't bother. We have a meeting to attend to."

England reached into his briefcase then hesitated and said to New Zealand in a small voice:  
"Though a pot of tea would go down rather nicely actually. Please."

New Zealand smiled a little, despite his solemn mood and got up to go alert his secretary (his spilled coffee having spoilt the intercom). Before he had even reached the door, two more nations entered.

"China, Japan. Thank you for coming on short notice."  
"It is no trouble to me, New Zealand, we were due to discuss some trade matters anyway so I just bought those meetings forward a little"  
"Hai, me too."

New Zealand awkwardly bowed his head in an attempt to appear polite to the Asian nations. He heard Australia snickering behind him and suppressed a frown.

"Please excuse me, I'm just going to get us some er- refreshments"

He slid out of the door, glad to be able to drop the manners even for the tiniest slice of time. He made his way to the cafeteria to order a pot of tea for his lordship and a platter of nibbles just in case. Upon re-entering the boardroom, he was met with a buzz of chatter mixed with undercurrents of resentment, aggression and the hint of a potential conflict. New Zealand sighed. Guess everyone had arrived.

"Hello my fellow nations. I thank you all for coming today for this emergency meeting."  
"Wait… THIS IS AN EMERGENCY?! Well, luckily for you dude, you called the right guy, I'm sure that I can nobly save you from anything, with my fellow nations as back-up of course."  
"Oh pipe down America you twit, we don't even know what the problem is yet, how in the blazes do you think you'd be able to waltz in with a hair-brained excuse of a solution?"  
"Hey old man, I think I can handle a little situation like this. After all I'm the one saving all of us from the financial crisis, like the true hero I am."  
"You mean the one you caused?"  
"No way, that was all Greece's fault"  
"I don't know about this financial crisis you guys are talking about, my country is doing just fine. In fact, I believe you still owe me money America"  
"Whatever dude, everyone knows you'll be broke soon"

New Zealand stood in bewilderment as the nations continued to bicker back and forth. Why was it that every meeting, no matter what the topic, seemed to descend into an argument about the global economy? He opened his mouth to try and diffuse the situation and get back to what really mattered until…

"For god's sake, would you all just SHUT UP? You idiots have seemed to have forgotten why we are all here in the first place, haven't you. Well, I'll remind you…"

Netherlands stood up and clapped his hand onto New Zealand's shoulder.

"We are here to help this one. And I for one didn't fly for 26 hours to listen to all your shit when I can do that at home for free. So sit down, shut it for once in your stupid lives."

Nodding at the young nation, Netherlands took his seat at the farthest corner of the room and fixed New Zealand with a focused look, silent after saying his only piece for the day.

"Umm…thanks Netherlands…Anyway, as I was saying, my country is currently in an emergency situation. And you best believe, we are heading for a lot of shi- I mean er, trouble if we cannot find a viable solution in time".

With all ten nations' attention on him, New Zealand got into a stride, quite literally in fact as he got up and started to strut around the room.

"My people are in turmoil. With the earthquake and the recession hitting us so hard recently, the uprising of this catastrophe has added the last nail to the coffin, the last straw on the camel's back and the last…um…well look, it's just really bad, k?"

The nations looked on in confusion and complete silence as New Zealand continued.

"My friends, my most trusted colleagues, I'm afraid we have run out of Marmite".

**A/N So that was cliché and more than a bit awful XC. I was honestly going to drop this story but then I got some random follows and favs, so cheers guys, that was much appreciated. Not sure when the next bit will be posted, but it will be of better quality than this. Hopefully.**


End file.
